If Twitter Were High School

“Those were the days, my friend…”

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Twitter is possibly one of the least understood of the social media communities, though it’s actually quite powerful for reaching a lot of folk in a variety of ways. It’s also a fascinating tool for people watching and, for those looking for cheap entertainment, Twitter offers up plenty of that.

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Illustration by the author.

One way is by digging into the Trending Topics. Trending Topics was an algorithm created by Twitter designed to identify hot topics of the moment. Below your profile, to the left of your Twitter-feed, you’ll find what’s hot, what people are talking about. You can personalize your scope from local to international.

A lot of times the trends are driven by celebrity culture. For example, Kobe Bryant was a trending topic earlier this week. Other times big news stories will dictate a lot of the buzz, such as the latest incident of gun violence or the current Hong Kong crisis.

More often than not there are simply a lot of fun comments being passed along the Twittersphere by people who enjoy interacting with others and expressing themselves. A few past examples include Vampires vs Zombies, #FastFoodAddiction, #UKnowUHungryWhen and #kindofabigdeal.

For the fun of it I will share a few of the excerpts from trending topics called #AnnoyingThingsPeopleSay and #IfTwitterWereHighSchool.

Annoying Things People Say

— “There are no stupid questions.” Oh yes there are!

— *crying* “Hey are you ok?” “Yeah dude im fine, im just watering
come here i have to tell you something………….. ahh nevermind.

— “i misss you.” and do absolutely nothing to try to see you or talk to you. uhh , NO. you clearly don’t.

— “ur so small, do you eat?” .. “no im alive from just breathin air -__-.”

— “I have to tell you something” …”ok tell me”… “I’ll tell you later”

— “whoa you’re short.” thanks! i never knew!

Then we have the comments on the this other trending topic… which reveals a lot about Twitter as a community. This would make great fodder for Mad magazine material. Or writers for Leno, Letterman and the like. (Yes, it dates me that I don’t even know who’s on those late night shows any more.)

If Twitter Were High School

~ trending topics would be the school gossip.

~ my attendance would be 100%

~ it would be kinda awkward with everyone following each other :/

~ one person would do the homework and everyone else would just Retweet it.

~ there would be sooooo many people in Remedial English class.

~ then Facebook would be Middle School & Myspace would be for the elementary school

~ essays would only be 140 characters long

~ the most popular last name wouldn’t be “Smith”… it would be “Bieber”

~ Beliebers would be like the group of girlies that follows Justin, the captain of the football team, around LOL

~ I’d get sent to the office on the daily for talking too much -.-

~ I’d actually have friends.

~ Beliebers would rule the school ;)

~ I would have perfect attendance.

~ trending topics would be the school gossip

~ everyone would still be followers

Well… you get the picture. It’s time for me to post this and get on over to the Middle school.

Originally published in 2011 at

An avid reader who writes about arts, culture, literature & other life obsessions. @ennyman3 Look for my books on Amazon

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