Many thoughts. The loss of a loved one is like an amputation, wrote C.S. Lewis in his classic, A Grief Observed. Arms and legs don’t grow back, and we must learn to adapt.
As for the responses of others when we share our deeper selves, it is so easy for people to write hurtfully, or to misunderstand us and respond with cutting remarks. It happens all the time in forums where a conversation is taking place exploring an idea with friends and then someone jumps in who takes offense, pulls a knife and stabs us in the heart.
Being public with ourselves is a risk, and maybe too easy now with social media.
All this to say “May you heal well.” Grief takes time to process. Cherish the beauty you shared.